Cheers for my first post!

For some time now, several friends, family, and others have been encouraging me to start a blog. I've always enjoyed writing recreationally, but I've limited it to my journal entries, usually springing from a lesson learned in my quiet times with God. At first, I considered the idea, then dismissed it again, worrying I would become prideful and attempt to bring glory to myself instead of to God. But again, I was told, rather consistently, that I should really consider starting a blog. So I prayed specifically, asking God if this was something He wanted me to do. His answer? "Yep." And then it hit me: My life is so crazy and my mistakes so evident, there is NO WAY people will mistake God's glory for mine! So here I am!

My next step was to title it. I briefly considered a blog without a title; (I like to do the easy thing, which isn't always the right thing) and just as quickly dismissed that idea. So I did what I always do when in doubt - pray, then ask my husband, Daniel. He's a top-notch man and even better husband, and he's very wise for his 27 years of life. Most of the time, he knows just what to say, and when he doesn't, he prays about it!

I prayed about the title for several days, not really getting the epiphany I anticipated. As we were getting ready for bed last night, I shared with Daniel my intentions to "for-real" start a blog. I shared with him what I would write about: The craziness of our lives, how God has shown Himself in the midst of our struggles, the lessons I learn, and overall sharing my failures (and sometimes wins) so that Jesus will be glorified and maybe, just maybe, others might learn from my mistakes. I also asked him to consider names for the blog. He went silent, and after a few minutes, said, "My Lott in Life, with two T's!" (Our last name is Lott.) Ah, yes. Well played, sir.

So there you have it! Because this blog will be used as a journal of sorts where I'm sharing with you what I'm learning, I thought it only necessary to share with you the story of how Jesus pursued and ultimately won my soul so that you will have some background knowledge! My only desire here is to bring God glory, to make it known that Jesus is alive and active in our lives, whether we feel Him here or not. My hope is that through the happenings and craziness of my life, you see Jesus. You learn that He loves you with a fire that cannot be put out, and will stop at nothing to see your dreams - and His - realized. So without further adieu, my story:

I grew up surrounded by an extended Christian family and attended church fairly regularly as an infant and young child. When I was 3, my mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor and my family moved to the Upstate to be closer to her parents. At age 5/6, my parents separated, and eventually divorced when I was 9. My life was chaos and hurt. Though I lived with my mom primarily, I began attending a small church with my dad when I was 10 years old. It was at this church, at age 11, that I walked down the aisle and asked God to save me from Hell. I understood that Jesus died on the cross to save us from our sins. However, I did not fully understand that it was MY sin that sent Jesus to the Cross, and I was terrified to spend eternity in Hell. 

For several years following, I attended church regularly. I read my bible, and spoke to people about Jesus, but deep down I felt as if something was missing. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t growing, why I didn’t understand what I read in my bible, and why I constantly felt a void in my heart. Eventually, I grew weary of this routine and started to rebel against everything I believed. At age 15, as a sophomore in high school, I began to drink alcohol every weekend with my friends. The absence of conviction frustrated me even more, so I continued to run further away from the Lord. Even so, I did not believe I was lost. I lived to please others because I so desperately craved love and acceptance. At that time, love equaled attention from boys. The only understanding I had of my value rested in interactions with them and what I could give them physically. Drinking alcohol led to smoking cigarettes, which led to marijuana, which led to abuse of over-the-counter medication, which eventually led to hardcore drugs. This “party” lifestyle became all that I knew.

When I was 17 years old, I lost my grandmother, Mema, to a long, painful battle with cancer. She was my hero and a faithful follower of Christ, and the same grandparents who took us in during my mom’s illness. Mema was the single greatest example of God’s unconditional love in my life. Her illness and death caused me to become extremely angry with God, and I cursed his name completely. I decided at that point that I no longer believed in God’s existence. I couldn’t understand how a God who I’d been told was fair and just would allow my Mema, a woman who served him, to die in such a horrible way. I began to purposely mix drugs that I knew could harm or potentially kill me, because I no longer saw a point to my life. If God could allow Mema to suffer, how could He care for me? By age 18, I had been sprinting away from God for three years. I had just graduated from high school, and I had no idea what I was supposed to do with my life. I was completely lost, in every way possible. I had become someone who I no longer understood. I had hurt myself and everyone around me.

At this time, I began to attend NewSpring Church with my dad, though still very much immersed in my downward spiral. During one of Perry’s sermons, he spoke an invitation. I remember him asking us to allow our hearts to open to hear God’s voice. At that moment, I clearly heard Jesus speak to me: He told me that I did not know him, I was not his child. Believe it or not, I still argued against the fact that I was lost and didn’t know Jesus.

For two more months, I continued living the party lifestyle but I attempted to change my behavior. I thought I needed to “clean up” to come to Jesus. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t escape the truth that I had heard so clearly. On the night of September 16, 2007, while at a drug dealer’s house, I walked in his bathroom, the only room that wasn’t filled with drugs, and accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I truly felt the overbearing weight of my sin for the first time, and finally understood that it was MY sin that put Jesus on the Cross. I cried out desperately for God to save me from the hurt and pain I felt and had caused. In that moment, I finally understood what Mercy and Grace meant: though my actions had put Jesus to death, He was waiting for me with open arms. He didn’t care about my behavior, He desperately wanted my heart.

2 Corinthians chapter 5 verse 17 states that “If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, new is here!” On that night, Jesus made me a new creation in Him, and my life hasn’t been the same since! In February of 2008, I was baptized at NewSpring Church and joined the church in April, two months later. I met my husband, Daniel, through the church and it is through my marriage that I have learned what unconditional love looks like. It was through God’s church that He revealed to me the truth that would forever change my life: Though my sin sent Him to the Cross, He went there willingly, because he loves me that much and thought my heart worthy of pursuit. I am a firm believer that Jesus will do whatever it takes to reach those who do not know him, because that’s what He did for Me. His love for us is that great, that vast. He showed me that I am indescribably valuable through the finished work of His Cross! I learn more every day that His grace is sufficient for me and I have come to realize that Jesus is my peace in the chaos that is this life.

I came to know Jesus in a drug dealer’s bathroom, and one day, thanks to His sacrifice, I will worship him face to face!

Because I've gone all-out with a super long first post, I'll conclude with this: This is the business of Jesus: making people new creations! I praise Him for the work He has done in my life and continues to do! I'm thankful that He loves each of us too much to leave us where we are!

Thank you, Jesus, for your work. We praise You!