I haven't! Instead, I have been elbows deep in all things baby. Bottles, burp cloths, diapers, pumping, wipes, bathtime, spit up, naps, coos, smiles, nursing, wiggles, toots, etc. All the things that make up the bliss of having a baby.
Most of the time, I feel like my brain is scattered as the many burp cloths and baby gadgets that are usually strewn around our house these days. I can't tell you how many times I've thought I replied to messages only to find hours or days - yes, days - later, that no such reply was typed but instead I responded in my head. It takes me a whole day to plan a menu and write a grocery list. It takes days to process laundry. All day last Friday, I legitimately thought it was Thursday! I've got at least 3 craft projects waiting to be started.
But I wouldn't trade any of this blessed chaos! In the middle of it all, it occurred to me that I never wrote about how Camden's name was chosen for her.
Daniel and I both felt very strongly about giving our little one a name with a positive meaning. It's a huge responsibly, this naming-your-kid thing. A name is spoken frequently throughout each day, so we felt like the words spoken over our child should be ones that would fill them with truth. I'm a big believer that the words we choose to speak can bring about life or death. I haven't always chosen my words wisely, but I have every intention to speak love and truth through my words into the hearts and lives of each of our children. So even in the early stages of my pregnancy, we began to toss around ideas for what we might choose for a name.
We scheduled an early gender ultrasound to be performed when I was 16 weeks pregnant. Weeks prior to this, I had a very vivid dream of a beautiful baby boy - a carbon copy of Daniel's baby pictures, but with blonde hair. We were convinced we were having a son! We quickly chose a name and settled into the idea of having a baby boy. But just in case, we spent weeks throwing around different names for a girl. We considered Isobel but soon realized how prevalent was that name. We thought about Blythe, but close friends had dibs and a much better reason behind the choice! I loved Mae, but quickly changed my mind when I learned that Mae meant "bitter."
The night before the ultrasound, I was having some quiet time. As I relaxed in the quiet, rubbing my bump and dreaming about meeting our child, I began to weep with overwhelming love for this precious life. I began talking to baby, and speaking truths. I declared how great was our love, that baby was prayed for, sought after, pursued, and wanted. I declared good things over this life: that baby would know intimacy with God and receive His love. That baby would be a fierce warrior for the Kingdom, and be a light of God to those around. And I prayed. I asked God for my child's salvation, and began to thank Him over and over for giving us this beautiful, perfect gift.
Then I was still in the quiet and peace of God. And in the quiet, God spoke.
He said, "In the valley is where I met you."
?
Quickly, He explained Himself. I had been so filled with peace and joy with each step of my pregnancy that the pain of the pit and the intensity of our journey through the valley had started to feel like a distant memory. He took me back. He helped me remember the many nights I cried out to Him, begging Him to heal my womb and fill it with life. He reminded me of the moments I wondered if we would ever be able to conceive and carry more children. He brought back to me the deep longing I felt to be a mother.
He took me back to a raw conversation I had with one of my very best friends after our first miscarriage where I was bemoaning being in a valley. I wanted to be back on top of the mountain, looking down at a beautiful view. I wanted to be done with the valley.
My dear friend, in that moment, spoke the voice of God through her human mouth. She explained that a valley was not so bad; they are generally found resting between two mountains. The grass is soft and green, the soil rich. Altogether, a valley is teeming with life.
I began to weep with thankfulness at the memory. And then, God repeated, "In the valley is where I met you, and where I brought you to life."
The next moment is somewhat difficult to explain. I heard the name Camden, specifically for a girl, and then felt a very strong sense that I was carrying Camden. My hand was resting on my belly and I felt/heard/knew: This is Camden.
The night turned to morning then to afternoon, and we were on our way to learn the identity of our babe! In my excitement, I had forgotten about the events of the night before. When we arrived, we talked with the ultrasound tech about my pregnancy and how we felt like we were having a son. Not even two minutes into the procedure, she asked if we were ready to find out. Of course we were!
She said, "You're having a girl!"
..........
"Oh!"
..........
"How sure are you?"
"I'm very sure."
"If you had to give it a percentage, where would it fall?"
"I would say 99.99% sure."
"Oh man, I'm ruined!" (says Daniel)
And I cried, so thankful to know I was getting a daughter! Daniel quickly realized he was already wrapped.
Afterward as we talked through our giddiness, it dawned on me what God had shared the previous night. As it all began to fall into place, I fumbled through explaining everything to Daniel. We were having a girl. God gave me a name for a girl. God gave me memories and what seemed like a completely separate revelation of His goodness.
Daniel asked me what the meaning of Camden was. When we looked it up, we found ourselves completely speechless.
Camden meant from the winding valley.
WHAT?!?!
It couldn't be.. No way... is this, is this real life?
I was 100% on board. Daniel, on the other hand, being completely bombarded with the craziness, needed a bit more convincing. He later shared that he asked God to give Him a little more information on this one.
On our way home, an SUV passed us that had an advertisement on the rear window that said "Cambria."
Okay, well. That's the first 3 letters. Maybe a little more?
A little bit later, we were sitting in our car in the Michael's parking lot. I was doing some price comparisons on items needed for the gender reveal party we were planning, so Daniel was just looking around outside. A mini cooper parked beside us, on which was a decorative emblem: Camden.
Again - WHAT?!?!
Not to be confused with chance, God gave us another one later that night. I was browsing Pottery Barn Kids and came across a wall decal. The name used? Yep, you guessed it! Camden.
Daniel promptly patted my belly and said, "Hey, Camden!"
How flipping cool is our God?!
How beautiful that he chose to give our gorgeous girl a name that would boast of His faithfulness? When we speak her name, we are reminded of the many ways God answered our prayers. I cannot wait for the day when we are able to share with our girl how she came to be. I can't wait to for her to understand just how desperately we wanted her, how much we love her. I can't wait to see her eyes light up when we tell her that she is a perfectly timed gift given by her perfect Father, and given a name by Him whose meaning points right back to His glory.
We are believing big things for Camden! She has been anointed by God to bring joy, something she has done from the first moment of her little life. I believe she will love and lead people, and be a force for God's mighty Kingdom. God has a great plan for Camden, and my prayer is that Daniel and I do everything in our power to lift her up to whatever calling God places on her life. We pray that the love we show her makes it easy for her to accept God's perfect love.
As I transform my thoughts into text, I sit and watch the rise and fall of my daughter's chest as she sleeps. I see her life before me, and am reminded all over again what a good, good Father I have. What a tremendous gift, to be able to share with you the tangible answers to our prayers! May you, wherever you are in life, have faith to believe God for all that He has promised you. He will deliver, and it will be better than anything you have dreamed.
You're a good good Father
It's who You are, it's who You are, It's who You are
And I'm loved by You
It's who I am, It's who I am, It's who I am
Housefires II
Thank you, Jesus, for the work you are doing. We praise You!
