Happy Easter!

As a believer, I consider it an immense blessing to be able to celebrate the fact that I serve a God who is ALIVE! He is not dead, bones lying in a tomb somewhere. He is seated on the throne at the right hand of the Father, as we see in Luke 22:69: "But from now on the Son of Man shall be seated at the right hand of the power of God." He is very, very much alive and active in our lives! He is HERE, with us, every moment of every day. He is changing lives by the minute!

So however you spend the day today, know that you are loved immensely by the God of the universe who created you in your mother's womb, a God who was greater even than death!

                                             The Empty Tomb
                               Photo Courtesy of NewSpring Church


"But on the first day of the week, at early dawn, they went to the tomb, taking the spices they had prepared. And they found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they went in they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were perplexed about this, behold, two men stood by them in dazzling apparel. And as they were frightened and bowed their faces to the ground, the men said to them, "Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here, but has risen..." 
Luke 24:1-6 (emphasis mine)

Thank you, Jesus, that you submitted to death in order to free me, to offer me abundant life. Thank you for being more powerful than death!

Thank you, Jesus, for your work. We praise you!

Do I REALLY have faith?

My heart is full and wonderfully heavy with a new revelation from God, which came out of my quiet time last night. I don't know about you, but I LOVE when God speaks clearly. I anticipate His voice whenever I meet with Him, but there is just always something so special about hearing the God of the universe speak to little ol' me. I liken it to being a kid in a candy store - it doesn't matter how many times you've been there, every time is fun, new, and exciting! I most always feel giddy after hearing from the Lord; it reminds me that I am loved by Him in such a deep, great way that I cannot begin to fathom.

Sometimes God corrects us by pointing out an area in our lives where we are lacking or struggling. For me, this is a pretty consistent thing! Sometimes those corrections are hard to hear, but Proverbs 12:1 is very clear on the subject of correction: "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid." Wow! Some verses of the bible just flat out make me laugh with how blunt they are! Whenever God presents something to me in the form of correction, I try to remind myself of this verse and how He is making it clear that He wishes me to receive the correction, knowing that He is sharing it out of the purest of love in order to see me reach my full potential in Him.

Last night, God blew my mind with this revelation: I don't really have faith in Him like I believe I do.

I began meeting with a wonderful Christian counselor a few months ago. The issues of my past and present struggles - that I had been working so hard to keep hidden - were rearing their ugly head in a big, bad way, and I knew I had no choice but drop my pride and allow someone in to help me. My counselor has been used by the Lord in so many great ways to enlighten me of areas in which I struggle and why. There has been MUCH correction, so the verse in Proverbs has come up quite a bit in my heart. It has been a wonderfully difficult process so far. At the conclusion of my first visit, she gave me a copy of "Jesus Calling," a devotional by Sarah Young, which she writes from the perspective of God speaking directly to her. I began to read it regularly. Last night, I started my quiet time with this devotional, of which I will share an excerpt:

"When My Presence is the focal point of your consciousness, all the pieces of your life fall into place. As you gaze at Me through the eyes of your heart, you can see the world around you from My perspective. The fact that I am with you makes every moment of your life meaningful."

As I closed the book, God said, "Now read my Word." I picked up where I left off: Matthew 9. The opening of the chapter is Jesus healing a paralytic man as a result of the faith of the men who carried their friend to meet Jesus. Three more times in the chapter, Jesus heals as a result of faith, even bluntly questioning faith here in Matthew 9:27-29a - "As Jesus went on from there, two blind men followed him, calling out, "Have mercy on us, Son of David!" When he had gone indoors, the blind men came to him, and he asked them, "Do you believe that I am able to do this?" "Yes, Lord," they replied. Then he touched their eyes and said, "According to your faith will it be done to you"; and their sight was restored."

I quickly realized the "theme" of this quiet time: Faith. And then, ever so softly yet pointedly, I heard God ask, "Do you have faith that I can heal you?"

Woah. That's a heavy one. This is one of those corrections that causes you to stop everything and contemplate all the areas of your life that have been affected by it. So I had to ask myself, what areas have been affected by my lack of faith?

I immediately knew what He was talking about: Do I believe that God can heal my body in such a way that will allow me to carry a child full-term?

In September 2011, I heard very clearly God tell me to stop preventing pregnancy. At the time, our preferred method was the birth control pill. I shared what God told me with Daniel. We were both a little surprised, because though we were talking and praying seriously about when we should start to try to conceive, we just knew it wouldn't be until after I had graduated from college. (Funny how what you think you know doesn't always line up to what God knows! His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts higher than our thoughts! {Isaiah 55:9}) In September, I still had 3 months of school left. We both thought, "Are you sure, God?" Well, of course He was! So we were obedient, and I stopped taking my pills a week later.

By January 2012, we had conceived our first child. In February 2012, at just under 7 weeks gestation, I miscarried. We were devastated. But even in the midst of the pain, God gave us many promises that He plans to bring about a future generation through us, like this one is Psalm 102:18, the first promise He gave us: "Let this be written for a future generation, that a people not yet created may praise the Lord." Though I tried very hard to keep my head above water, I sunk into a depression that lasted for several months shortly thereafter.

And then in July 2012, we conceived again. We thought everything might be okay but I quickly began showing symptoms of miscarriage. Again, we were devastated, but we decided it was time to do something about it. We had my doctor refer us to a fertility specialist and God made a way for us to get an appointment the very next day for a consultation. Over the next month, I had a few different tests run to try to figure out what was causing the miscarriages. Conception was not the issue, thankfully, but obviously something was keeping me from carrying. All of the tests came back normal. We praised God for that but quickly the confusion set in: If everything is normal, then what is the problem? Our fertility doctor suggested I go on a few different hormone medications to act as a buffer of sorts, but neither one of us felt peace about that decision. So, we decided to do our very best to take our hands off this situation and let God do His work, in His timing.

Over the past 8 months, I have struggled tremendously to trust God in His timing and have the faith that He is going to do what He promised. People are always having babies, so it is a constant heart-check whenever I learn of a new pregnancy plus a reminder of what we've lost. I've always loved children and been fascinated by the miracle of conception, pregnancy, and birth, so it was never hard for me to rejoice when news of expecting parents reached my ears. Now, however, it's a little bit more difficult to feel joy as the initial emotion. But, God's truth trumps my emotions, every single time, so I try hard to hold fast to His promises and rejoice for the gifts God gives others!

Even though we still have no concrete answers about why we're miscarrying and I sometimes revert back to frustration with God in my lack of understanding of why those things happened, He uses quiet times like last night to bring me to the point: He can do it and He will do it. More importantly, He wants to do it! But He also wants me to really, really believe that He can do it. God wants good things for His children, and I know that when we have children, whether they are ours biologically or not, it will be in God's perfect timing and the very best gift He could give us.

I will bind this new revelation to my heart and ask myself each day: "Do I have faith in You today? Do I have faith that You will do great things today, both in and through me? Do I have faith that you are moving and working in my life, even if it isn't in my timeline? Do I really trust you?" Because let's be real - a lack of trust in God is really a lack of faith in Him.

I'm praying earnestly that the answer to all of those questions will be a wholehearted YES.

Thank you, Jesus, for the work you are doing. We praise you!

Cheers for my first post!

For some time now, several friends, family, and others have been encouraging me to start a blog. I've always enjoyed writing recreationally, but I've limited it to my journal entries, usually springing from a lesson learned in my quiet times with God. At first, I considered the idea, then dismissed it again, worrying I would become prideful and attempt to bring glory to myself instead of to God. But again, I was told, rather consistently, that I should really consider starting a blog. So I prayed specifically, asking God if this was something He wanted me to do. His answer? "Yep." And then it hit me: My life is so crazy and my mistakes so evident, there is NO WAY people will mistake God's glory for mine! So here I am!

My next step was to title it. I briefly considered a blog without a title; (I like to do the easy thing, which isn't always the right thing) and just as quickly dismissed that idea. So I did what I always do when in doubt - pray, then ask my husband, Daniel. He's a top-notch man and even better husband, and he's very wise for his 27 years of life. Most of the time, he knows just what to say, and when he doesn't, he prays about it!

I prayed about the title for several days, not really getting the epiphany I anticipated. As we were getting ready for bed last night, I shared with Daniel my intentions to "for-real" start a blog. I shared with him what I would write about: The craziness of our lives, how God has shown Himself in the midst of our struggles, the lessons I learn, and overall sharing my failures (and sometimes wins) so that Jesus will be glorified and maybe, just maybe, others might learn from my mistakes. I also asked him to consider names for the blog. He went silent, and after a few minutes, said, "My Lott in Life, with two T's!" (Our last name is Lott.) Ah, yes. Well played, sir.

So there you have it! Because this blog will be used as a journal of sorts where I'm sharing with you what I'm learning, I thought it only necessary to share with you the story of how Jesus pursued and ultimately won my soul so that you will have some background knowledge! My only desire here is to bring God glory, to make it known that Jesus is alive and active in our lives, whether we feel Him here or not. My hope is that through the happenings and craziness of my life, you see Jesus. You learn that He loves you with a fire that cannot be put out, and will stop at nothing to see your dreams - and His - realized. So without further adieu, my story:

I grew up surrounded by an extended Christian family and attended church fairly regularly as an infant and young child. When I was 3, my mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor and my family moved to the Upstate to be closer to her parents. At age 5/6, my parents separated, and eventually divorced when I was 9. My life was chaos and hurt. Though I lived with my mom primarily, I began attending a small church with my dad when I was 10 years old. It was at this church, at age 11, that I walked down the aisle and asked God to save me from Hell. I understood that Jesus died on the cross to save us from our sins. However, I did not fully understand that it was MY sin that sent Jesus to the Cross, and I was terrified to spend eternity in Hell. 

For several years following, I attended church regularly. I read my bible, and spoke to people about Jesus, but deep down I felt as if something was missing. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t growing, why I didn’t understand what I read in my bible, and why I constantly felt a void in my heart. Eventually, I grew weary of this routine and started to rebel against everything I believed. At age 15, as a sophomore in high school, I began to drink alcohol every weekend with my friends. The absence of conviction frustrated me even more, so I continued to run further away from the Lord. Even so, I did not believe I was lost. I lived to please others because I so desperately craved love and acceptance. At that time, love equaled attention from boys. The only understanding I had of my value rested in interactions with them and what I could give them physically. Drinking alcohol led to smoking cigarettes, which led to marijuana, which led to abuse of over-the-counter medication, which eventually led to hardcore drugs. This “party” lifestyle became all that I knew.

When I was 17 years old, I lost my grandmother, Mema, to a long, painful battle with cancer. She was my hero and a faithful follower of Christ, and the same grandparents who took us in during my mom’s illness. Mema was the single greatest example of God’s unconditional love in my life. Her illness and death caused me to become extremely angry with God, and I cursed his name completely. I decided at that point that I no longer believed in God’s existence. I couldn’t understand how a God who I’d been told was fair and just would allow my Mema, a woman who served him, to die in such a horrible way. I began to purposely mix drugs that I knew could harm or potentially kill me, because I no longer saw a point to my life. If God could allow Mema to suffer, how could He care for me? By age 18, I had been sprinting away from God for three years. I had just graduated from high school, and I had no idea what I was supposed to do with my life. I was completely lost, in every way possible. I had become someone who I no longer understood. I had hurt myself and everyone around me.

At this time, I began to attend NewSpring Church with my dad, though still very much immersed in my downward spiral. During one of Perry’s sermons, he spoke an invitation. I remember him asking us to allow our hearts to open to hear God’s voice. At that moment, I clearly heard Jesus speak to me: He told me that I did not know him, I was not his child. Believe it or not, I still argued against the fact that I was lost and didn’t know Jesus.

For two more months, I continued living the party lifestyle but I attempted to change my behavior. I thought I needed to “clean up” to come to Jesus. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t escape the truth that I had heard so clearly. On the night of September 16, 2007, while at a drug dealer’s house, I walked in his bathroom, the only room that wasn’t filled with drugs, and accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I truly felt the overbearing weight of my sin for the first time, and finally understood that it was MY sin that put Jesus on the Cross. I cried out desperately for God to save me from the hurt and pain I felt and had caused. In that moment, I finally understood what Mercy and Grace meant: though my actions had put Jesus to death, He was waiting for me with open arms. He didn’t care about my behavior, He desperately wanted my heart.

2 Corinthians chapter 5 verse 17 states that “If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, new is here!” On that night, Jesus made me a new creation in Him, and my life hasn’t been the same since! In February of 2008, I was baptized at NewSpring Church and joined the church in April, two months later. I met my husband, Daniel, through the church and it is through my marriage that I have learned what unconditional love looks like. It was through God’s church that He revealed to me the truth that would forever change my life: Though my sin sent Him to the Cross, He went there willingly, because he loves me that much and thought my heart worthy of pursuit. I am a firm believer that Jesus will do whatever it takes to reach those who do not know him, because that’s what He did for Me. His love for us is that great, that vast. He showed me that I am indescribably valuable through the finished work of His Cross! I learn more every day that His grace is sufficient for me and I have come to realize that Jesus is my peace in the chaos that is this life.

I came to know Jesus in a drug dealer’s bathroom, and one day, thanks to His sacrifice, I will worship him face to face!

Because I've gone all-out with a super long first post, I'll conclude with this: This is the business of Jesus: making people new creations! I praise Him for the work He has done in my life and continues to do! I'm thankful that He loves each of us too much to leave us where we are!

Thank you, Jesus, for your work. We praise You!