As we climbed into bed last night, Daniel acknowledged the appearance of the cooler days. Once we settled in, I slid my cold toes toward him and wedged them under the warmth of his skin and giggled as he recoiled from the surprise cold! I began to fall asleep with a peace as Daniel's hand rested on my arm.
Earlier in the day, I'd been forced to acknowledge grief over the loss of a friendship so many months ago. I wrestled through how to move forward and asked God as my head lay on my pillow what the right course of action should be. As I asked, I felt His peace wash over me. I knew what I needed to do.
He and I haven't been talking with the same frequency lately. I'm not angry with Him anymore, but instead thanking Him for the season of change and loss He walked us through. I've begun to reap the fruit of what was sown in the most recent season of life. It's as if we have an understanding now: the distance is ok between us for right now. We both know the love is there. For now, the season is of quiet. He still speaks occasionally, and I am listening when he does. I still seek Him, and He is there when I do.
One day during our cruise, I was working out in the gym that was built in the front of the ship, with floor to ceiling windows that overlook the open ocean. As I was sweating my way through my cardio, I said a quick thank you to my Father. For the obvious gift of being able to travel, but for the more serious gift of being forced to endure the most difficult season of my life.
So as I brought to Him my challenging situation last night, I wasn't surprised when He responded. The peace of His answer was what I needed.
And then, as if He was icing the already sweet cake, He gave me an extra little gift.
Just as my consciousness began to shift into the dream world, I had a vision.
I was walking into a small but opulent hotel. The walls and floor were of cream and tan marble with gold inter lay, and a diamond pattern colored in a deep burgundy. On the wall opposite the concierge desk was a large mirror. Flanking either side of the concierge were a set of columns, also with the marble, gold, and burgundy.
I quickly walked past the desk and out of my periphery, noticed a figure in a hooded, brilliant blue and white cloak. As blue as the bluest sky you could imagine. I kept walking, but as I passed, I felt a beckoning to turn around. As I did, I noticed the reflection of the blue-cloaked figure in the mirror, and saw their face.
It was the beautiful, bright-eyed, smiling face of my Mama.
She looked as I remembered her before she became so sick and frail, before the clarity left her blue eyes. And in the course of a second, I saw her smile and felt her love. I experienced peace and my heart leapt with joy to be able to see her face again. I wondered how I had walked by her and not noticed her presence.
In the split second after seeing her, I woke with a start. I began to weep with joy, and began to understand that I had seen her in her current being: peaceful, joy-filled, and whole. Wearing the brilliant color that enhanced her most beautiful features on Earth and makes her shine even brighter eternally.
Furthermore, I realized that though I'm not always aware of her spiritual presence in my every day, she's there. She's watching over me, now a spiritual being assigned to my life. I don't always get to see her, but she sees me. She sees me and knows me not just in the purity of earthly knowing as a Mother does her child, but as an eternal being, with the knowledge of God.
I realized after waking that I also saw a sense of pride in her expression. I knew: she is proud of me. Something I wasn't always sure of during our earthly relationship, I have been given access to understand in our eternal one.
All the grief of my current circumstance melted away. I fell asleep with the most pure peace enveloping my heart.
I thank God for the past season of loss. I thank Him now for the current season of simply being, and of quiet. I thank Him for the gift of opening the earthly-eternal barrier, even if only for a few seconds.
I thank Him for His love: enduring and steadfast and unmistakable.
I praise Him for the work he is doing.
I praise Him for the work he is doing.
