This faithfulness of God that I speak of is my seven month old daughter.
It wasn't all that long ago that I shared with all of you, my readers, the very bold prayer my family had begun praying: Let me be the Shunammite Woman! On Mother's Day in May 2013, God had plainly spoken to me and a few others regarding our level of faith in our requests that He would give Daniel and I children. At that point, we were in a stage of grief over the loss of two babies. We had so many unanswered questions as to why I continued to miscarry, yet we still held hope that God would provide us the opportunity to live our dreams of pregnancy, birth, and baby bliss. But as much as I hoped, there was an equal part of my heart that wanted to push aside the dream I had for motherhood. It had become unbearably painful living in the waiting period. But in one fell swoop, God re-lit that fire in my heart and pushed us even further to ask Him boldly for the things we desired.
So, we did. We began to pray that we would hold our child in our arms one year from that date. We prayed this for days and days before I could muster up the courage to share publicly and ask our community to join with us in this bold request for God.
As we and our community prayed, I continually struggled first with the faith that God could and wanted to answer our prayer. Secondly, I struggled to maintain peace to accept whatever His answer may be. Some days, I was flying high as I proclaimed in faith out loud that I would be the Shunammite woman referenced in 2 Kings 4. Other days, doubt won. But we pressed on, praying this prayer God had given us.
Seven months later, in December 2013, we found out we were pregnant! On Mother's Day 2014, we rubbed my bump that was the home for our daughter, and on a beautiful day in August, I gave birth to her. God had delivered, literally, the answer to our bold prayer. One year to the day after we began to ask God for this miracle, He answered. He let the Shunammite woman's story be ours.
I revisit this story of God's faithfulness in my life because yet again, He is beckoning me to pray a bold prayer. And yet again, I find myself struggling with doubt but hear plainly from God, "Look to your past. Remember what I've done in your life. I can do it again! Where is your faith? I want you to ask me bold things."
He is asking me that I boldly request Him to heal my Mama.
When I was a toddler and my sister just a few years older, my mom was diagnosed with a stage four Glioblastoma, a highly cancerous brain tumor whose cells reproduce and spread very quickly. The prognosis she was given was not good: She had 3 months to live, and even if she chose to have brain surgery, she may still lose one or all motor functions. But even with this grim outlook, she decided to undergo brain surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation in an attempt to remove the tumor. Not only did she survive the surgery, but she made it through the intense chemo and radiation treatments, passing the several-month mark she had been given by doctors. Though she miraculously survived the surgery without losing motor functions, she did suffer from minor short-term memory loss and slight changes in personality. But eventually, she went into remission.
In January of last year, we learned that my Mom had several new spots in her brain, one being at the site of the original tumor all those years ago. We all feared the worst. After many visits with doctors, we learned that the spots were not cancerous but were a result of the high doses of radiation she received to combat her brain tumor. Around the same time of this news, her health began to decline, and rapidly. In a matter of months, she went from living mostly independently to being under Hospice care in an Assisted Living facility and was diagnosed with dementia. Over the years, her brain had atrophied, again due to the intense amount of radiation she received. She began having trouble swallowing and was unable to eat on her own. She lost her balance and fell so frequently that she was moved to a wheelchair. For a while, she couldn't talk. When I had less than 12 weeks left until Camden's due date, her hospice nurse reevaluated her and gave us a 3-month timeline of life.
We didn't know if she would even live to see her first granddaughter born. I spent countless nights waking up in tears, trying to navigate that timeline. On one hand, the joy I felt at knowing I was getting closer to meeting my baby girl was indescribable. But at the same time, I felt a sense of impending doom at knowing I might have to say goodbye to my Mama.
We began to pray that she would live to see Camden's birth, and we prayed daily. Miraculously, about two months before Camden was born, Mama's health began to improve! She started speaking again, she was able not only to swallow, but use utensils to eat! While at the hospital after Camden's birth, she stood up unassisted in order to get a better look at her grandbaby! This may not seem like much, but it was HUGE!
Her health then hit a plateau. She still has good and bad days, but overall she has not declined further. We are all amazed at the improvement, but medically speaking, the declines, plateaus, and even the improvement is all a normal part of dementia.
I live on the fence with this information, part of me in the space of realism, wanting to brace myself for the worst so that I'm not shattered when the worst I can imagine becomes reality. The other side is a place of great hope and faith that God can and wants to completely heal her - and on this Earth.
How do you live in both of those places simultaneously?
I don't think you can.
I don't think my Father wants me to live both places.
In December of last year, my sister and I, with the help of a great crew of people, sang a song of healing - Healing is Here - over my Mom. Appropriately titled, the lyrics are this:
Healing is here
Healing is here
Healing is here
And I receive it
I reach my hands to the Heavens
I lift my eyes where my help comes from
I look to You my rock my healer
I trust in You
Freedom is here
Freedom is here
Freedom is here
And I believe it
I reach my hands to the heavens
I lift my eyes where my help comes from
I look to You my rock my healer
I trust in You
Sickness can't stay any longer
Your perfect love is casting out fear
You are the God of all power
And it is Your will that my life be healed
We sang in faith. We spoke scripture over her that point to living a full, rich life. We asked God to see Him perform another miracle. We left that night thankful for the opportunity to share such a special moment with her and with a peace knowing that whatever happened, it would be God's plan and it would be good.
A few weeks ago, my Mom was released from Hospice care! This is a victory, and beyond that, it is a sign of God's faithfulness to answer our prayers for her healing. But, we'd like to take it a step further. We want to come to God, again, with a bold request, and we ask you to join with us.
Psalm 145:17-19 claims "The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The Lord is near to all who all on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them."
Here is our prayer:
Jehovah Rapha, your name that means healing, hear our cry. Heal my Mama. Break her free of the chains she has lived in for years. Mend her weak body, giving her physical strength to walk again. Break open the passage ways of her brain that are clouded, giving her mental clarity. Holy Spirit, restore her, making her better than she has ever been. Give her hope for a future. Shine Your glory through her life, making Yourself so incredibly evident. Break my chains of doubt. Give me hope for the future, faith in Your plan, and peace with Your answer.
As I asked you to join us a few years ago in our prayer journey, I ask you again now. Would you join with us in prayer? Would you look at your life and recognize the ways in which God has healed you or those around you, remember His faithfulness, and look to Him with us in bold faith?
He can heal. He wants to heal. May His answer be yes to us again, but more than that, may we see His sweet presence in this place.
Thank you, Jesus, for the work You are doing. We praise You!
